im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
