dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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