I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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