I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
