so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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