he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
