hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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