I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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