I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
