My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
