yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
