Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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