Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
