I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
