i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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