im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i will never coherently bang her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
