If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
