my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
