I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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