Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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