As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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