Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
