I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh god it's open bar.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
