Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
