I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
