Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
