ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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