I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
