Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
