And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
