I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
