Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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