I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
