Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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