The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found the puke drawer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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