1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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