I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
