We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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