So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
