sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
