oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
