he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
