Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
