It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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