hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
