JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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