Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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