Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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