On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
