i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
