yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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